We've survived this far, with the food bank and God willing the money comes through from Launchgood soon as even though money was donated I have not yet received any of it... and we are down to about $150 in available credit on my credit card (and won't get a full cheque until Sept 15th). The second video, does not reflect the short term disability I receive monthly from disability from work, as I only just recently got some (in the amount of just over $800), though it does point out some of our expenses and why we are in this position.
However, Allah SWT blessed me in this illness. Being able to study Arabic at this time (even if self taught / early bird courses), memorize the Arabic necessary to perform Salat properly, meet my Brothers and Sisters in Islam and attend courses, Khutbahs and lectures which inspire me ... and seeing my sons smile every morning, melts my heart and makes any of my problems worth that single moment.
While I know the journey I have chosen is not an overnight accomplishment, one day, I hope (insha'allah) to become an Imam or someone who can play an influential role (whose background can highly benefit others with the knowledge I obtain) which I feel is the ultimate goal. Younger I had a "calling to the church" but never felt right about the Bible or the lifestyle. Some people say it is just a "phase" they went through when they converted. Maybe it is. Or maybe it is my way of undoing past sins even though my Shahadah released me of them, maybe it's a desire to travel and inspire people like the Sheikh I met this weekend, or maybe (and what I believe is the most compelling reason and resonates with my heart) is I hope to help individuals who can identify with my past as well as my identity, in not only expanding the Wests knowledge of Islam but in also helping integrate traditional Islam with the West to help destroy any malicious thoughts towards either (Islam or the West) by misunderstandings of the other. My previous experience as a performer - where I would juggle and do fire shows, made me comfortable in front of a crowd and I hope that experience can translate into public speaking as well as not being part of the ethnic majority in many of our city mosques I feel such a goal would help converts feel more comfortable in the decision to be a part of Islam.